It's Happening to Everybody

I went off scrip in a few parts, so this isnt entierly accurate lol!

Perverts opens with a hymn about wanting to be physically closer to god. This off the bat sets up some of the larger themes that show up throughout the EP. Many Christians view masturbation as a sin because you are misusing God's gift of sexuality for your own selfish pleasures. Christian faith believes that the chemical high achieved by sex is meant to bond one closely with their partner. Sex is about connection, and by seeking that connection alone and for yourself, you are corrupting God's gift. Furthermore, the hymn at the beginning implies that this masturbation is being construed as a way to get closer to god.

Perverts, the song, also mentions that no one you know is a good person. This could be because masturbation is becoming more societally accepted, because we as humans are giving in more to our fleshly desires and moving away from God's will, or because we have rationalized our misdeeds enough to taint our souls.

The second track is Punish, which was released as a single. The song is about a pedophile who was shot by his victim's father, and now harms himself as punishment. The speaker has victimized himself. He feels like his lust is innate, and that “it has always been this way.” He doesn't show any interest in changing, but he’s still wracked with guilt. Going as far as to maim himself. A common phrase said by pedophiles is “that it's just love.” Love is natural, and the speaker feels that he is punished for giving into his nature. This is an obvious distortion of the concept of love. Love is connection, unification. Children's minds aren't developed to fully understand this kind of thing. Pedophilia is one-sided because of this. The child can't gain anything from that sex. This means the speaker is talking about ‘lust’ NOT ‘love.’ Christians see lust as wrongfully giving in to your earthly desires. It's still so interesting to me how the speaker of this song is both fully aware of his broken logic and also clouded by delusion. He understands that it's his sexuality that's suffocating him. “Little death like lead / Poisonous and heavy” is a little death, being a French expression for an orgasm. Despite this, he also doesn't see himself as evil, both with his victimization and with the lines “Only God knows, only God would believe / That I was an angel, but they made me leave.” The speaker sees himself as once being a good person, and it was others who turned him into what he is now. But deep down he is good, as it is God who ultimately judges our souls.

A sickly whirring fades in to begin Housofpsychoticwomn. Faint moaning and mechanical noises make the listener feel uncomfortable. This psychotic woman talks about her obsession with someone who doesn't reciprocate the feeling. The way she feels is difficult for the woman to explain. It's something that can't be felt any other way. It's precious and magnificent. She feels like maybe it's not something that can-- or even should-- be explained. Because love is something meant to be shared, we automatically expect it to be felt by the other person. So the woman feels lied to, like something was taken from her. The woman decides to wait for this love to return to her. Lyrics from a later song, Pulldrone, suggest that the woman's obsession is not with a person, but with the divine theater, in other words, God. From the title, we know that this woman is in a sort of psychosis. People in psychosis can't fully understand their situation; this, combined with the mention of how she's in pain, makes me wonder if this is really love. It seems to be one-sided on both sides. She exploits God for devotion and obsession, and she is exploited by her uncaring God. Her repetitive and cult like chanting at the end further solidifies that this isn't love at all.

A vacillator is a person who deeply craves intimacy but is also afraid of it. The more modern term for this is a disorganized attachment style. One minute, the vacillator is infatuated with their partner, and completely withdraws the next. This dichotomy is represented by the lyrics “Close the door, let me in.” The minute the relationship is over, the vacillator wants it back. The vacillator in this song loves their partner for their body, and is willing to let their partner use them, but the vacillator isn't interested in anything deeper. They are using sex to simply gratify their lust because they're scared of that connection. The vacillator isn't scared of things like pain or gods might (thunder is often a symbol of his power), but they are terrified of the social implications of a relationship. The vacillator knows they are harming other people, and even takes pleasure in it. They warn others “that if you love [the vacillator], then [you should] keep it to yourself.

An Onanist is a person who masturbates, or “pulls out.” It comes from the story of King Onan, who ‘wasted’ his semen on the floor instead of impregnating a woman. The speaker of this song feels lost in life. They don't understand the agony they witness in the world, and so they turn to god for answers. But the speaker's questions aren't heard. They instead fall towards vices. They want to know what love feels like, even if it means turning away from god. The speaker eventually becomes addicted to masturbation. Climaxing feels like ascention. The speaker gives in to sensation, but it eventually dulls over time. It just feels ‘good,’ and in the end it's become so mundane that it doesn't even feel good.

Pulldrone is my favorite track on Perverts. It centers on Hayden’s idea of the Ring, as well as Baudrillard’s philosophy of simulacra and simulation. Hayden obviously explains herself better than I ever could, so in case you didn't watch her video like I told you to, go back and do that now. Cause none of what im saying is going to make any sense otherwise. Anyways, Pulldrone goes through the 12 stages of simulacrum. This is Hayden’s process for deconstruction reality inspired by Baudrillard. The history of simulacrum is far too extensive for me to go into so I’ll give you the cliffnotes. The concepts originate where basically everything does, with Plato. Plato theorized about two types of recreation. One that is a faithful reproduction of the object as it's based in reality (the simulation), and the other is a purposefully distorted version intended to deceive the viewer into thinking it's real (the simulation). Baudrillard says the simulacrum evolves from a copy into a real representation. Here are its four steps: (1) basic reflection of reality; (2) perversion of reality; (3) pretence of reality (where there is no model); and (4) simulacrum, which "bears no relation to any reality whatsoever." Hayden’s 12 pillars are common paths people take in order to find reality and connect with god. While some of these paths may bring some relief, they ultimately lead to destruction. Hayden talks about how she feels out of touch in our modern world. The representation of life through movies and books and media is exactly how she lives her life, but at the same time isn't the same at all. This subtle and unnerving change is terrifying. In attempts to combat the simulacrum, people find themselves in Pulldrone’s cycle.

1 Apathy: where a person feels completely disconnected from the world. They feel like they are meaningless, or don't exist at all.
2 Disruption: people may go against the world’s order as a way to gain control.
3 Curiosity: There may be an insatiable desire to know everything, even if one must harm themselves to understand it all.
4 Assimilation: everything is an extension of god, so by connecting with everything, one can connect with god.
5 Aggrandization: someone may rely on an external force. Another person or thing or idea that can help them out of the pits of despair. Even if the oppression is suffocating, the pressure feels good.
6 Delineation: finding boundaries. If one can separate the great dark from the divine theater, they will find the veil. Becoming flush with this veil means becoming close to god.
7 Perversion: to bear false witness is to lie. It doesn't matter if a sinner lies about their perversions; god knows everything.
8 Resentment: one might resent their flesh, because it means they can't stay long in the divine theater. Laurels are like awards for an achievement. Shouldn't one be proud of their visits to the divine theater? Because that's where they belong? Also, a little easter egg, the lyric about hate is from a speech by AM in the book I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream. AM is a supercomputer that was given consciousness and a body. AM is in constant suffering because of it, so he relentlessly torments humanity because of it.
9 Separation: Our sins separate us from god, so some sin more. Causing them to fall further.
10 Degradation: Lowering yourself further and further into the pit. Shame and pity cause one to devalue oneself entirely.
11 Annihilation: The sort of all-or-nothing mentality. If one can't be in the divine theater, then they shouldn't exist at all. People will witness this self-destruction, and the subject will feel even more ashamed. Thus, they crawl deeper into their demise.
12 Desolation: the final form. Simulacrum. Masturbation and self-punishment and the ourobouros are complex from the outside, but ultimately hollow. By the end of this cycle, you are only a shell. In Exodus 3:14, Moses sees a burning bush. This burning bush is god. God asks Moses to go get the Israelites out of Egypt. Moses says, “Okay… but they're gonna ask questions, so who should I tell them has sent me?” God replies with “I am what I am.” but in this case, he's a burning bush. In the ever depressing tone of perverts, pulldrone uses this logic to completely devalue God. “I am that I was as I no longer am for I am nothing.”

Pulldrone ends with this sad-sounding machine giving out, only to be brought back to life, just for it to pitifully die once and for all.

I adore the piano and guitar on Etienne. The languid harmonies end, and a muffled recording about a suicidal man plays. This man runs and runs and runs in order to cause a heart attack. He ends up masochistically liking the feeling. Ironically, he switches from running towards death to running away from it.

The beginning of Thatorchia is just impeccable. How the layers of this spinning, whirring, wailing noise frantically jump over each other and harmonize at certain points is just amazing to me. Hayden defines thatorchia as: “the bitter acceptance of the knowledge that god will let you near, but he won't let you stay.” Sonically, this is represented so well. The unnerving, uncomfortable noise at the start that fades into soft yet somber wails. The sadness turns sour, curdling into resentful and heavy distorted guitars. This desolate static continues until it's stopped all at once, although the whisper of disappointment lingers for a moment longer.

Drugs are a way to enter the divine theater. In Amber Waves, the speaker has become addicted to the euphoria they receive from being there, falling into the cycle of addiction. The speaker numbs their fear of passing time and failing relationships with these sedatives. The drugs ultimately leave them feeling hollow and empty inside (like the simularum). Still, the speaker meaninglessly reassures themselves and others. The speaker knows their addiction is ‘the devil,’ but they just don't care. The speaker doesn't want to feel anything but high. Nothing the speakers discarded partner can offer means anything to the speaker.

The speaker “kicks rocks when the walking is good,” meaning even when life is good, getting high is even better. The apathy the pills bring doesn't block out everything though. The speaker still feels empty. They actually do care about their lover leaving. But this recognition doesn't mean the speaker is going to abandon their drugs. Instead, they take more and more, eventually leading to a drugged-up, catatonic state. They've reached true apathy. Their lover means nothing to them. A small and frail voice despairingly mutters: “I can't feel anything.” With that, Perverts ends. Returning to the same static that starts it off. The cycle repeats.